Over the last month, Iāve had all kinds of ideas of how to mark this day with you:
āForty Things Iāve Learnedā: a listicle of odds, ends, and lessons that make up the last ten years of life, for which Iāve taken copious notes.
āTurn Forty with Meā: a riff on GWRM (Get Ready With Me) except the version like when I talk to my best friends on Marco about nothing and everything important.
āForty Things Aboutā: a 40-question interview with my kids that I could only assume would have, at some point, taken a weird turn.
Instead, Iām following a spontaneous nudge and can only hope that my curiosity, as it often does, leads to good thingsā¦
This time, from you!
Today, on my 40th birthday, the floor ā the mic, the page ā is yours.
Itāll require a little group participation, but maybe since itās my birthday you can call it your gift to me! If youāre getting this in your e-mail and want to join in, just click the speech bubble above my name at the top of this email, or the See the discussion button at the bottom.
Imagine Iāve got the stereo ready and the decorations set ā streamers and party hats galore. Thereās a huge spread of the most epic and endless cheese, veggie, and charcuterie boards youāve ever seen in your life, chocolate-dipped strawberries from my garden, and a layered cake that is somehow the most delicious thing youāve eaten and entirely allergy / sensitivity / aversion-friendly for all.
First, and most importantly:
šµ What song should I put on my playlist for you?
š What book would you bring as a gift for me that I should have read YESTERDAY?
And because I donāt do small-talk, letās get to the fun (for me) part:
Feel free to answer any and all that apply to you (or none, I guessā¦). I want it all!
š For the 40+ Club:
What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before?
What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could?
What is the absolute best thing about being 40+?
Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40?
š For the <40 Club:
As you approach 40 (however near or far away it is), are you excited, afraid, or ambivalent?
Whatās something youād love to do or accomplish by 40 that you havenāt yet?
What's something youād love to know about life after 40 that, right now, feels unclear?
What would your ideal 40th birthday celebration look like?
Now PARTY! šš»
(And by party, of course, I mean discuss!)
Please just be kind and courteous to others! No need to break anything!
Thank you for being here and for making my birthday extra special. āØ
Okay, okay! Iāll go first since, since Iām trying REALLY HARD not to keep peeping through the blinds waiting for everyoneās cars to start pulling up outside, wondering āwill anyone actually come?!ā Itās my party, and Iāll reply if I want to!
1. For the song ā I want the lights low and the bass turned up and Darudeās āSandstormā on the playlist. Maybe even some glo-sticks to swing around.
2. Iām quite good, already, at gifting myself books, but the first thing that comes to mind is Emily Henryās āFunny Storyā
And I guess Iām now in the 40+ Club, but given Iām right on the line, I still feel a lot like the <40s. I think, if I can get really vulnerable and honest here (which, I mean, is kind of my thing): Iām surprised that I still care or that I still wonder or worry over an idea or a plan or my words or ME finding a place to land ā in the world, in our family, in my neighborhood, in our community.
I thought Iād be less sensitive, but I feel like that only grows more with each day. I thought Iād have a published book, by now, and that all my trips to the library and bookstores finding that imaginary place where it would live on the shelf, somewhere between Neale and Nettles, would finally no longer require imagination. I thought Iād have gone abroad again sometime in the last decade. I thought Iād feel like a more competent mother and human.
Truth is, at 20, I thought 40 meant having your whole life together. At 30, I thought 40 meant at least FEELING like you had your whole life together. At 40, I know that a whole lot of things had to come apart in the last decade for me to even have a chance at wholeness.
Iām really pumped to be 40, and yet, itās as though thereās a thin veil of tenderness and fear over my HEAPS OF GRATITUDE AND JOY AND WONDER at all this time Iāve been given to become ā and to keep becoming.
For me, add anything from Paul Simon's "Graceland" album to your playlist. And here's a copy of "Madly, Deeply," excerpts from Alan Rickman's diaries from mid- to late in his career; a ton of thoughts about craft (his not ours, but still), a lot of fun and cranky people-watching, and every so often a perfectly exquisite bit of prose. Plus he ILLUSTRATES his diary pages...!
Two things I can tell you about being over 40: other people's opinions seem less and less important; and it gets easier to glimpse the end of the road, 'way over there on the horizon. Which turns out not to be a bad thing. Okay, three things: Hydrate! Moisturize! Your body is as brave as ever, and also t.h.i.r.s.t.y.
Thank you Elizabeth! Great choice on book (I love Alan and still have not read this!!) and album! Itās one of my absolute favorites and I was even just hunting for it in a used vinyl store about a half hour ago!
Iām taking your wisdom to heart, today. (And realizing, how suddenly dry my hands feel š¤£)
Happy birthday, dear Kristine! And welcome to the club! I just saw your post, so I need to do a bit of thinking first and I'll get back soon with my answers.
I would add Billy Eilish song Blue to your playlist- because my family and I are obsessed with her new album and canāt stop humming this song in particular- itās sooo catchy that the whole party would get up and dance! I would definitely bring The comfort of crows by Margaret Renkl as your gift, as you said you havenāt read it, and itās just MAGIC! And did you say she lives near you!??? And because she also LOVES cicadas!!
One thing I wish Iād known before I turned 40 & I only just joined the club about 2 months ago, would be to have lived my life my own way. I was always so worried about fitting in & making everyone happy & having everyone like me that I never stopped to actually think āwhat do I like?, what do I want to do?ā Now Iām 40, and I finally feel like I know myself. I have finally found the time to get to know myself and itās just fantastic. And the best part- is loving yourself just attracts others, so all those other things just naturally happen, becauseā¦ magic & gravity!!!
Thank you, so much, Hannah! I've been meaning to listen to her new album, so I'll start first with Blue. And you'll never guess what I picked up, on my birthday, at Parnassus (that's Ann Patchett's Nashville bookstore).A signed edition of The Comfort of Crows! (Along with Late Migrations!) I thought of you when I saw it and thought, what a better place, day, and edition to grab!
I love your thoughts on turning 40 and knowing yourself. It really is fantastic and every day I feel like there's even still a bit more to discover. Such a great point that it attracts others -- the right kind, too -- in the process.
Iām so jealous you live close to Parnassus (itās on my bucket list) what a perfect shop to buy two of the best books! And a signed copy non the less!! Yay!!
You are most welcome, Kristine, for my attendance and comments.
I wholeheartedly agree: it does get easier to savor long-lasting friendships when you consider just how many changes have occurred in the lives of both parties over the years.
How exciting the Smallbones live in your area! I saw Unsung Hero with my grandma and loved it! Iām not concerned with the idea of being 30 itself. I just finished grad school so now I face the challenge of finding my career and balancing my desire for a career with the desire for marriage and family (currently single).
2. Bookājust finished reading Behind the Lights: A true story of a mum and her family, by Helen Smallbone. When life feels uncertain, itās encouraging to see Godās faithfulness in the lives of others.
Hi Sakari! So glad you came! Thank you for the song and the fantastic book ā the Smallbones live in my area and have had a huge impact on my own story! We recently went to see Unsung Hero and I was so thankful, all over again, for the trickle down effect (and example) of Helenās faith and life as a woman, wife, and mother.
šµ Currently, the song is "Austin" by Dasha. I'm obsessed enough that I wrote a response poem for it.
š Hmm...books are always a head-scratcher because so much depends on a person's taste. I will say that "This Here Flesh" by Cole Arthur Riley hit me hardest in the heart lately.
What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before? That I didn't miss my chance to be healthy and feel happier inside my body, even though I will never look "fit" in the world's eyes.
What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could? You're not crazy for wanting more children ;).
What is the absolute best thing about being 40+? I care so, so much less about what people think than I used to. But that's been a super-slow process for me.
Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40? I grew up in the 80's, when adults would give other adults a black balloon or tombstone-shaped card with "Over the Hill" on it the minute they turned forty. I really thought people were old and life was pretty boring after 40. Instead, I feel like my life is more adventurous, free, and joyful in my forties. Some of that is circumstantial (we were part of a really repressive church for many years, and I'm so thankful to be done with that while still feeling that God is with me), but some of it it IS not caring as much anymore about what other people think.
Iāve been pleasantly surprised by almost every wong and book ā both of yours have been on my radar but really didnāt know much about them. Adding them both to my list!
Your first point is so prescient ā I saw your comment on some elseās post at one point and it got me thinking about paths to take to rework the path Iām on, in that regard. Iāve long let go of how I appear to others, but I do feel like Iām swimming upstream against genetics and hormones and trauma carried in my body when it comes to balance/nourishment/etc.
I love that your life after 40 has been filled with more adventure, freedom, and joy ā thatās EVERYTHING I want!!
Happy birthday, Kristine! Iām late to the party but wanted to contribute my wishes to you.
My favorite things about my 40s have been caring less about what people think, gaining confidence, and being brave about going after my goals. What you said about becoming less sensitiveā¦I think the opposite happens. I think, as we age, we are more in tune with whatās important and our values become clearer; sensitivity can make us vulnerable but also open to more authentic connections.
I never noticed one sign of physical aging until 45 on. And while that takes some getting used toā¦by then your perspective and priorities may have shifted just enough to not really get too caught up in it.
And finally, 40 is great. Itās a lot of fuss over not so much, in the best way. Wishing you the happiest of days and year to come.ā¤ļø
You werenāt late! Right on time ā so glad you came!
I love what you said about how our sensitivity, while it can increase vulnerability, also makes us open to more authentic connections. Itās such a great way to frame the significance of something that sometimes feels like (or is told to be) a weakness.
Itās great to hear your perspective on this time in life ā and to see your example of courage and the pursuit of dreams!
2. Book (this is almost impossible to name one) but for some reason Iām thinking of a classic, Laddie by Gene Stratton Porter.
- Iām 30 in 2 days (and am shocked by this). 40 seems like itās forever away but I know itās not and that doesā¦feel scary.
- Iād love to publish a new books and feel like I know what Iām doing *laughs.* Iād also really love to care less about what others think. Iād love to see my creativity not as a curse to my family, but a blessing.
- Has my definition of success shifted? Have my relationships become deeper and rich? Have I become kinder to myself?
- the perfect celebration would probably be a farm dinner at Shaker Village with all my special people.
Thanks for encouraging thought and reflection! Youāre giving a gift on your bday šš
Iāve noted your song and book rec, and am just so tickled that every book is one Iāve never read and only barely heard of or never heard of. Truly a treasure of stories and words I canāt wait to explore!
I donāt think I ever realized our birthdays were so close together a decade apart! My thirties were (I initially wrote āhave beenā and had to change it š³) A RIDE, but my most refining decade yet.
Are you guys doing anything fun to celebrate?!
Goshā¦ what you said about seeing your creativity as a blessing to your family and not a curse. That hit home ā in so many ways that feels like a knot in my shoulder thatās slowly, slowly being massaged out. But every once in a while if I move to quick or donāt set myself up wellā¦ it comes right back. Itās easy for me to TELL you how much better our kids and our husbands are for our creative fulfillment, but itās all the more challenging for me to LIVE and BELIEVE it, myself!
Your 40th at Shaker would be incredible ā that place was such a gift to visit last summer!
Thankful the last year of my 30s brought you into my life! Happy early birthday!!
3) Something Iād love to accomplish by 40 is becoming fluent in Spanish. My grandma is Panamanian and I hate missing out on such a beautiful part of my self.
This was a wonderful idea and I hope you are showered with love on this special day ā¤ļøš
Thank you, Jamal! Adding both number one and two to my lists!
I love your idea of Spanish fluency by 40. Have you made steps towards that already? Language learning is something I love deeply but never manage to make as much time for as Iād like to. Iād love to change that, myself, in the next few years.
Working knowledge is a good base upon which to build! Love that singular focus ā and youāve done amazing work on public sharing and development of your writing!
YAY!!!! Welcome to the 40 club, I am so excited you are here!! šš»šš»šš»
1. I know we discussed this recently, but.... right now, Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte is just making me happy. Perfect for a party. :)
2. Considering you feed me all my book recommendations, this one is going to be tricky. But I'm currently loving Strange Situation by Bethany Saltman and I think you would too.
What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before?
It doesn't necessarily get easier, but you are stronger, and more comfortable in your own skin. More sure of who you are, what you want, and less tolerant of BS. :) Just a sense of being more settled, but still not settling. It's actually pretty amazing.
What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could?
Your 40's are going to be a roller coaster but you are going to stop going around the mountain, learn the hard lessons and make the changes you want to see in your life.
What is the absolute best thing about being 40+?
The sense that you have put in your reps. Your 10,000 hours, your marriage reps, your motherhood reps, your life reps. When you speak, there is more authority because you've earned it now. Finally feeling that in your bones.
Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40?
It's much more unpredictable than I expected. I thought I'd have all of it together by now and I don't. But that just reminds me that decades, and ages, are constructs and nothing more. We make of our lives what we will, when we will.
Happy birthday! You've got a lot to look forward to in the coming decade ā most of it pretty great! Here's my list for you:
1. My most-listened genre is generally not great party music (prog. death metal, believe it or not), so I'll look elsewhere for this. I think "Under the Circus Lights" by Owl City would be a nice one.
2. Have you read Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard? That's the one that woke something up in the way I saw the world 20 years ago. I still thank that prof every time I think of it.
[What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before?]
Not much. Life after forty has been better than life before forty. Maybe I wish I'd known that it would be that way, but I think I already suspected it. Maaaybe I'd counsel someone else to make life better after forty for themselves as a Decision and not a passive conditional state of being.
[What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could?]
Listen better, dude. Your insight doesn't mean as much as you think it does.
[What is the absolute best thing about being 40+?]
More patience, more actual wisdom, more intentional living, more peace with who I am.
[Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40?]
How comfortable I am with advancing years and grey hair. It's the way of things and I'm happy to be on the ride. And also the Old Dad Breath is a surprise even though it shouldn't have been.
This is fantastic, Mark! Thank you! I have not read Holy the Firm, but I love everything Iāve ever read by Annie Dillard, so very excited for the recommendation!
Love your thoughts on life after 40, too. Had a good laugh at the Old Dad Breath ā I DID NOT KNOW this was a thing!!
ODB might just be a thing my family is good at, kinda like the inheritance you didn't want ā like someone's live cockroach collection or a spoiled chihuahua.
hippo birdies two ewes, Kristine! wishing you the brightest year ahead! i might just be bringing a copy of Watership Down for you and to the tune of anything Simon and Garfunkel. i would like to have one scary goal completed before 40 (solo traveling again, perhaps).
he's SO good - glad to find some similar waves here! i would also be absolutely chuffed to meet and go for tea/coffee at some point! Turkey is on my bucket list, but so is Japan (thanks to a recent interest some new-to-me styles of nature painting!) I've heard you can run international marathons in these places as well...hehe!
1. What song should I put on my playlist for you? - Get moving because the song I have for you would be Tootsie Roll by 69 Boyz.
2. What book would you bring as a gift for me that I should have read YESTERDAY? - The Terminal List by Jack Carr.
š 40+ Club:
3. What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before? - It's pretty darn good. You're wiser, have a little more money in your pocket, and you're still healthy enough to do what you did in your 30s.
4. What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could? - Go fly fishing more my friend.
5. What is the absolute best thing about being 40+? - You know! š
6. Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40? - The changing seasons of life with kids and work.
I'm taking some liberties and will answer some of the "<40s" questions but looking ahead at 50:
7. Whatās something youād love to do or accomplish by 50 that you havenāt yet? - Climb Mt. Rainier. š»
8. What's something youād love to know about life after 50 that, right now, feels unclear? - I wonder what else in my body might not be working as good as it does now.
9. What would your ideal 50th birthday celebration look like? - Either a big celebration with lots of friends, music, dancing, good food, and drinks....or a trip to Hawaii or Tahiti. šļø
Thanks babe! Iām lucky to have not just spent the last two days being celebrated by you, but all of them ā always!
Iāve taken copious notes on your hopes and plans for this decade, knowing weāll spur each other on to living out our dreams as best as we can. Who knows what it will feel like to look back on all this in 10 years?!
My song - Janet Jackson's Together Again, I remember it playing over and over on a road trip with my parents when I was little and it makes me happy
My book - My After All by Jessica Urlichs (but warning you will cry almost every poem)
And my ideal 40th birthday party is a really loud and fun BBQ with awesome 90s and 00s music with friends and family that ends in fireworks. And chocolate lava cakes.
Wishing you endless joy and success in this decade! Xoxo
Together Again! Gosh, I love Janet! Listening to her makes me instantly feel younger, so thanks for that addition to the playlist. Just thinking, now, about seeing her in my 30s, a stoneās throw from where Iām writing right now!
Your ideal 40th sounds amazing. You deserve all the fireworks and chocolate lava cakes! How did you celebrate your 30th?
We went to a fancy restaurant and ate outside on the patio with my brand new baby sleeping on my shoulder. It wasn't glamorous at the time, but I look back and it perfectly sums up that time in my life and I loved it.
I love this! We share a similar memory, as I walked into a small surprise 30th birthday dinner with our middle son, almost two months old, strapped to my chest in a wrap. Sometimes that feels like yesterday!
Okay, okay! Iāll go first since, since Iām trying REALLY HARD not to keep peeping through the blinds waiting for everyoneās cars to start pulling up outside, wondering āwill anyone actually come?!ā Itās my party, and Iāll reply if I want to!
1. For the song ā I want the lights low and the bass turned up and Darudeās āSandstormā on the playlist. Maybe even some glo-sticks to swing around.
2. Iām quite good, already, at gifting myself books, but the first thing that comes to mind is Emily Henryās āFunny Storyā
And I guess Iām now in the 40+ Club, but given Iām right on the line, I still feel a lot like the <40s. I think, if I can get really vulnerable and honest here (which, I mean, is kind of my thing): Iām surprised that I still care or that I still wonder or worry over an idea or a plan or my words or ME finding a place to land ā in the world, in our family, in my neighborhood, in our community.
I thought Iād be less sensitive, but I feel like that only grows more with each day. I thought Iād have a published book, by now, and that all my trips to the library and bookstores finding that imaginary place where it would live on the shelf, somewhere between Neale and Nettles, would finally no longer require imagination. I thought Iād have gone abroad again sometime in the last decade. I thought Iād feel like a more competent mother and human.
Truth is, at 20, I thought 40 meant having your whole life together. At 30, I thought 40 meant at least FEELING like you had your whole life together. At 40, I know that a whole lot of things had to come apart in the last decade for me to even have a chance at wholeness.
Iām really pumped to be 40, and yet, itās as though thereās a thin veil of tenderness and fear over my HEAPS OF GRATITUDE AND JOY AND WONDER at all this time Iāve been given to become ā and to keep becoming.
Happy birthday, Kristine!!!!
For me, add anything from Paul Simon's "Graceland" album to your playlist. And here's a copy of "Madly, Deeply," excerpts from Alan Rickman's diaries from mid- to late in his career; a ton of thoughts about craft (his not ours, but still), a lot of fun and cranky people-watching, and every so often a perfectly exquisite bit of prose. Plus he ILLUSTRATES his diary pages...!
Two things I can tell you about being over 40: other people's opinions seem less and less important; and it gets easier to glimpse the end of the road, 'way over there on the horizon. Which turns out not to be a bad thing. Okay, three things: Hydrate! Moisturize! Your body is as brave as ever, and also t.h.i.r.s.t.y.
Stay thirsty, my friend!!! ššæ
Thank you Elizabeth! Great choice on book (I love Alan and still have not read this!!) and album! Itās one of my absolute favorites and I was even just hunting for it in a used vinyl store about a half hour ago!
Iām taking your wisdom to heart, today. (And realizing, how suddenly dry my hands feel š¤£)
Hello, Kristine. Happy birthday. May this decade of your life abound with curiosity, depth, connection, adventure, wonderment, and frivolity.
I'm in my early forties. One of the best parts of reaching this age is my ability to savor the friendships which have endured for over twenty years.
Julie!! Thanks for coming to the āpartyā and for your wishes for my next decade.
I love the idea of savoring the enduring friendships - it really gets easier to do when people stand with us through so many changes, doesnāt it?
Happy birthday, dear Kristine! And welcome to the club! I just saw your post, so I need to do a bit of thinking first and I'll get back soon with my answers.
All my love š
Thank you Fotini!!!
Happy belated bday Kristine!!!
I would add Billy Eilish song Blue to your playlist- because my family and I are obsessed with her new album and canāt stop humming this song in particular- itās sooo catchy that the whole party would get up and dance! I would definitely bring The comfort of crows by Margaret Renkl as your gift, as you said you havenāt read it, and itās just MAGIC! And did you say she lives near you!??? And because she also LOVES cicadas!!
One thing I wish Iād known before I turned 40 & I only just joined the club about 2 months ago, would be to have lived my life my own way. I was always so worried about fitting in & making everyone happy & having everyone like me that I never stopped to actually think āwhat do I like?, what do I want to do?ā Now Iām 40, and I finally feel like I know myself. I have finally found the time to get to know myself and itās just fantastic. And the best part- is loving yourself just attracts others, so all those other things just naturally happen, becauseā¦ magic & gravity!!!
Thank you, so much, Hannah! I've been meaning to listen to her new album, so I'll start first with Blue. And you'll never guess what I picked up, on my birthday, at Parnassus (that's Ann Patchett's Nashville bookstore).A signed edition of The Comfort of Crows! (Along with Late Migrations!) I thought of you when I saw it and thought, what a better place, day, and edition to grab!
I love your thoughts on turning 40 and knowing yourself. It really is fantastic and every day I feel like there's even still a bit more to discover. Such a great point that it attracts others -- the right kind, too -- in the process.
Iām so jealous you live close to Parnassus (itās on my bucket list) what a perfect shop to buy two of the best books! And a signed copy non the less!! Yay!!
You are most welcome, Kristine, for my attendance and comments.
I wholeheartedly agree: it does get easier to savor long-lasting friendships when you consider just how many changes have occurred in the lives of both parties over the years.
How exciting the Smallbones live in your area! I saw Unsung Hero with my grandma and loved it! Iām not concerned with the idea of being 30 itself. I just finished grad school so now I face the challenge of finding my career and balancing my desire for a career with the desire for marriage and family (currently single).
I totally get that! Congrats on finishing grad school, and Iāll be praying for clear steps on your path forward!
Thank you!
1. SongāI Was Lovedāby Davy Flowers.
2. Bookājust finished reading Behind the Lights: A true story of a mum and her family, by Helen Smallbone. When life feels uncertain, itās encouraging to see Godās faithfulness in the lives of others.
At 24, I havenāt even thought about turning 40!
Hi Sakari! So glad you came! Thank you for the song and the fantastic book ā the Smallbones live in my area and have had a huge impact on my own story! We recently went to see Unsung Hero and I was so thankful, all over again, for the trickle down effect (and example) of Helenās faith and life as a woman, wife, and mother.
How do you feel approaching 30?!
šµ Currently, the song is "Austin" by Dasha. I'm obsessed enough that I wrote a response poem for it.
š Hmm...books are always a head-scratcher because so much depends on a person's taste. I will say that "This Here Flesh" by Cole Arthur Riley hit me hardest in the heart lately.
What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before? That I didn't miss my chance to be healthy and feel happier inside my body, even though I will never look "fit" in the world's eyes.
What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could? You're not crazy for wanting more children ;).
What is the absolute best thing about being 40+? I care so, so much less about what people think than I used to. But that's been a super-slow process for me.
Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40? I grew up in the 80's, when adults would give other adults a black balloon or tombstone-shaped card with "Over the Hill" on it the minute they turned forty. I really thought people were old and life was pretty boring after 40. Instead, I feel like my life is more adventurous, free, and joyful in my forties. Some of that is circumstantial (we were part of a really repressive church for many years, and I'm so thankful to be done with that while still feeling that God is with me), but some of it it IS not caring as much anymore about what other people think.
Yay! You made it!
Iāve been pleasantly surprised by almost every wong and book ā both of yours have been on my radar but really didnāt know much about them. Adding them both to my list!
Your first point is so prescient ā I saw your comment on some elseās post at one point and it got me thinking about paths to take to rework the path Iām on, in that regard. Iāve long let go of how I appear to others, but I do feel like Iām swimming upstream against genetics and hormones and trauma carried in my body when it comes to balance/nourishment/etc.
I love that your life after 40 has been filled with more adventure, freedom, and joy ā thatās EVERYTHING I want!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I hope your birthday was a wonderful one! This thread was such a good idea š.
It was! And Iām so thankful for everyone who came to the thread! š„³
Happy birthday, Kristine! Iām late to the party but wanted to contribute my wishes to you.
My favorite things about my 40s have been caring less about what people think, gaining confidence, and being brave about going after my goals. What you said about becoming less sensitiveā¦I think the opposite happens. I think, as we age, we are more in tune with whatās important and our values become clearer; sensitivity can make us vulnerable but also open to more authentic connections.
I never noticed one sign of physical aging until 45 on. And while that takes some getting used toā¦by then your perspective and priorities may have shifted just enough to not really get too caught up in it.
And finally, 40 is great. Itās a lot of fuss over not so much, in the best way. Wishing you the happiest of days and year to come.ā¤ļø
You werenāt late! Right on time ā so glad you came!
I love what you said about how our sensitivity, while it can increase vulnerability, also makes us open to more authentic connections. Itās such a great way to frame the significance of something that sometimes feels like (or is told to be) a weakness.
Itās great to hear your perspective on this time in life ā and to see your example of courage and the pursuit of dreams!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTINE!!
1. Song: Runaway by Jes Ray
2. Book (this is almost impossible to name one) but for some reason Iām thinking of a classic, Laddie by Gene Stratton Porter.
- Iām 30 in 2 days (and am shocked by this). 40 seems like itās forever away but I know itās not and that doesā¦feel scary.
- Iād love to publish a new books and feel like I know what Iām doing *laughs.* Iād also really love to care less about what others think. Iād love to see my creativity not as a curse to my family, but a blessing.
- Has my definition of success shifted? Have my relationships become deeper and rich? Have I become kinder to myself?
- the perfect celebration would probably be a farm dinner at Shaker Village with all my special people.
Thanks for encouraging thought and reflection! Youāre giving a gift on your bday šš
Thank you Olivia!!
Iāve noted your song and book rec, and am just so tickled that every book is one Iāve never read and only barely heard of or never heard of. Truly a treasure of stories and words I canāt wait to explore!
I donāt think I ever realized our birthdays were so close together a decade apart! My thirties were (I initially wrote āhave beenā and had to change it š³) A RIDE, but my most refining decade yet.
Are you guys doing anything fun to celebrate?!
Goshā¦ what you said about seeing your creativity as a blessing to your family and not a curse. That hit home ā in so many ways that feels like a knot in my shoulder thatās slowly, slowly being massaged out. But every once in a while if I move to quick or donāt set myself up wellā¦ it comes right back. Itās easy for me to TELL you how much better our kids and our husbands are for our creative fulfillment, but itās all the more challenging for me to LIVE and BELIEVE it, myself!
Your 40th at Shaker would be incredible ā that place was such a gift to visit last summer!
Thankful the last year of my 30s brought you into my life! Happy early birthday!!
Happy Birthday Kristine!!! š
1) āFavorite Starā by Quadron
2) āAll About Loveā by bell hooks
3) Something Iād love to accomplish by 40 is becoming fluent in Spanish. My grandma is Panamanian and I hate missing out on such a beautiful part of my self.
This was a wonderful idea and I hope you are showered with love on this special day ā¤ļøš
Thank you, Jamal! Adding both number one and two to my lists!
I love your idea of Spanish fluency by 40. Have you made steps towards that already? Language learning is something I love deeply but never manage to make as much time for as Iād like to. Iād love to change that, myself, in the next few years.
I have a working knowledge of the language after starting and stoping my journey.
Each year I set one big guy, always skill based, and after learning to doodle is Spanish.
This year was share my writing public and develop my craft.
Working knowledge is a good base upon which to build! Love that singular focus ā and youāve done amazing work on public sharing and development of your writing!
I appreciate you saying that šš½
YAY!!!! Welcome to the 40 club, I am so excited you are here!! šš»šš»šš»
1. I know we discussed this recently, but.... right now, Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte is just making me happy. Perfect for a party. :)
2. Considering you feed me all my book recommendations, this one is going to be tricky. But I'm currently loving Strange Situation by Bethany Saltman and I think you would too.
What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before?
It doesn't necessarily get easier, but you are stronger, and more comfortable in your own skin. More sure of who you are, what you want, and less tolerant of BS. :) Just a sense of being more settled, but still not settling. It's actually pretty amazing.
What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could?
Your 40's are going to be a roller coaster but you are going to stop going around the mountain, learn the hard lessons and make the changes you want to see in your life.
What is the absolute best thing about being 40+?
The sense that you have put in your reps. Your 10,000 hours, your marriage reps, your motherhood reps, your life reps. When you speak, there is more authority because you've earned it now. Finally feeling that in your bones.
Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40?
It's much more unpredictable than I expected. I thought I'd have all of it together by now and I don't. But that just reminds me that decades, and ages, are constructs and nothing more. We make of our lives what we will, when we will.
Love you!!
A sense of being settled but not settling ā LOVE THIS.
Love your song and book recs and insight, too, on these years. Thankful to be sharing them with you, always! Love you too!!
Happy birthday! You've got a lot to look forward to in the coming decade ā most of it pretty great! Here's my list for you:
1. My most-listened genre is generally not great party music (prog. death metal, believe it or not), so I'll look elsewhere for this. I think "Under the Circus Lights" by Owl City would be a nice one.
2. Have you read Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard? That's the one that woke something up in the way I saw the world 20 years ago. I still thank that prof every time I think of it.
[What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before?]
Not much. Life after forty has been better than life before forty. Maybe I wish I'd known that it would be that way, but I think I already suspected it. Maaaybe I'd counsel someone else to make life better after forty for themselves as a Decision and not a passive conditional state of being.
[What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could?]
Listen better, dude. Your insight doesn't mean as much as you think it does.
[What is the absolute best thing about being 40+?]
More patience, more actual wisdom, more intentional living, more peace with who I am.
[Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40?]
How comfortable I am with advancing years and grey hair. It's the way of things and I'm happy to be on the ride. And also the Old Dad Breath is a surprise even though it shouldn't have been.
This is fantastic, Mark! Thank you! I have not read Holy the Firm, but I love everything Iāve ever read by Annie Dillard, so very excited for the recommendation!
Love your thoughts on life after 40, too. Had a good laugh at the Old Dad Breath ā I DID NOT KNOW this was a thing!!
ODB might just be a thing my family is good at, kinda like the inheritance you didn't want ā like someone's live cockroach collection or a spoiled chihuahua.
Brilliant comparison š¤£
hippo birdies two ewes, Kristine! wishing you the brightest year ahead! i might just be bringing a copy of Watership Down for you and to the tune of anything Simon and Garfunkel. i would like to have one scary goal completed before 40 (solo traveling again, perhaps).
Ah! Thank you for the PERFECT book!! And music too ā looks like you and Elizabeth were on a similar wavelength with Paul!
Excited for you at the possibility of solo travel ā you know if you ever find yourself in the Southeast US, Iād love to see you!
Do you have any particular places in mind?
he's SO good - glad to find some similar waves here! i would also be absolutely chuffed to meet and go for tea/coffee at some point! Turkey is on my bucket list, but so is Japan (thanks to a recent interest some new-to-me styles of nature painting!) I've heard you can run international marathons in these places as well...hehe!
Turkey and Japan both would be amazing. Especially to run marathons either place ā cheering you on towards your dreams!
thank you! this was such a fun thread! :) and, of course, the cheering extends to you and your dreams too!! <3
Welcome to your 40s Kristine!! It's great over here. The water is nice, so come on in!! You're going to love it! š¤©
1. What song should I put on my playlist for you? - Get moving because the song I have for you would be Tootsie Roll by 69 Boyz.
2. What book would you bring as a gift for me that I should have read YESTERDAY? - The Terminal List by Jack Carr.
š 40+ Club:
3. What is one thing you wish youād known about life after forty that you didnāt before? - It's pretty darn good. You're wiser, have a little more money in your pocket, and you're still healthy enough to do what you did in your 30s.
4. What would you go back and say to 39 year-old you, if you could? - Go fly fishing more my friend.
5. What is the absolute best thing about being 40+? - You know! š
6. Whatās surprised you the most about life after 40? - The changing seasons of life with kids and work.
I'm taking some liberties and will answer some of the "<40s" questions but looking ahead at 50:
7. Whatās something youād love to do or accomplish by 50 that you havenāt yet? - Climb Mt. Rainier. š»
8. What's something youād love to know about life after 50 that, right now, feels unclear? - I wonder what else in my body might not be working as good as it does now.
9. What would your ideal 50th birthday celebration look like? - Either a big celebration with lots of friends, music, dancing, good food, and drinks....or a trip to Hawaii or Tahiti. šļø
Thanks babe! Iām lucky to have not just spent the last two days being celebrated by you, but all of them ā always!
Iāve taken copious notes on your hopes and plans for this decade, knowing weāll spur each other on to living out our dreams as best as we can. Who knows what it will feel like to look back on all this in 10 years?!
Happiest Birthday Kristine!!
My song - Janet Jackson's Together Again, I remember it playing over and over on a road trip with my parents when I was little and it makes me happy
My book - My After All by Jessica Urlichs (but warning you will cry almost every poem)
And my ideal 40th birthday party is a really loud and fun BBQ with awesome 90s and 00s music with friends and family that ends in fireworks. And chocolate lava cakes.
Wishing you endless joy and success in this decade! Xoxo
Together Again! Gosh, I love Janet! Listening to her makes me instantly feel younger, so thanks for that addition to the playlist. Just thinking, now, about seeing her in my 30s, a stoneās throw from where Iām writing right now!
Your ideal 40th sounds amazing. You deserve all the fireworks and chocolate lava cakes! How did you celebrate your 30th?
Off to check out My After All!!
We went to a fancy restaurant and ate outside on the patio with my brand new baby sleeping on my shoulder. It wasn't glamorous at the time, but I look back and it perfectly sums up that time in my life and I loved it.
I love this! We share a similar memory, as I walked into a small surprise 30th birthday dinner with our middle son, almost two months old, strapped to my chest in a wrap. Sometimes that feels like yesterday!
I promised I'll be back, I know I'm late, but I haven't forgotten about you, Kristine.
So to answer your questions
play out loud āFeeling Goodā by Muse - or Nina, if you prefer
(must-read) āWoman Without Shameā by Sandra Cisneros
As for the rest
1 - that life marches on and you better not stay behind it
2 - stop fretting about yourself and look at the world with wonder again
3 - the improbable fact that I am still here, alive and kicking!
4 - the improbable fact that I am still here, alive and kicking!
All my love to you!