This is such a great piece! Now that my young ones are all teenagers, my wife and I often wonder if we made the right decision in preventing our kids from connecting with their peers through the things they owned (clothing, technology) or the content they listened to/watched (movies, music). There have been many dinnertime conversations where I’m fielding pop culture questions, while explaining why we won’t let them watch/do/eat [insert whatever].
In the end, we love the almost-adult human beings our kids have grown into! I think a large part of that comes from the restraint we showed in allowing them to be exposed to the latest fad, or inappropriate something. You sound like you’re doing the hard work of parenting well. Stay the course!
It’s a challenging thing to navigate — making choices that go against the grain while also being able to communicate through it. We’ve never stopped at “because I said so,” because it does nothing to help them build their own filter. One day, they may choose differently, but our job right now is to choose, with every consideration of who they are, what their gifts and interests are, their best — as best we can.
There are many who’d likely bemoan us for letting in too much — and others, too little. But I really, really like who these kids are and are turning out to be and I hate the idea of an algorithmic, attention deficit culture dimming their light.
I love hearing from parents of older kids who’ve chosen to take the brave path!
I would like to know how much of this discussion in schools and families and bedrooms between teens when they speak, freely away from parents, involves much of what you've said here: the giant conformity engine driving society off a cliff. Kids love to be hip to the newest thing, right? We all do. It's those in-group/out-group dynamics that tap into our survival instincts. So what about hipping the kids to the fact that they're being manipulated by corporations for profit? Authenticity and individuality are the latest trends, right? Both of these concepts are antithetical to social media. And once kids and adults, too, see through the facade from a wider perspective, it's easy to not fall for the trappings.
I know my daughter is trying to talk to her friends some about it, but they’re very much not interested. She’s an anomaly in most circles she finds herself in, though she tries not to plant herself fully in any single one,
We talk about it a lot in our home, though. Even yesterday, she and I spent a perfectly lovely morning while her brothers were at camp — getting pedicures and doing some browsing at the mall. Truly enjoying ourselves, remaining curious about the vast spectrum between need, want, and excess. I am just starting to dig into mimetic theory and find it all so fascinating (and at times frustrating and sad).
Also, what about having kids and parents read Haidt's books? I saw a post a few minutes ago about a mom who has a book club with her kids. Everyone agreed it was a wonderful idea. It used to be that families sat around the table and studied the Bible together. Why not add books like Haidt's to the reading list and then find Biblical parallels?
I agree with everything you’ve shared, observed and hope to achieve (not that you need my approval). It is hard work and probably the most important work. I’m an elementary school teacher and I have seen and been incredibly saddened by how social media has impacted children. They are not the same as kids of the same age were 10 years ago - and mostly in overwhelmingly negative ways.
If I had children, I know that it would be an uphill battle against current social norms. The norms that have left most people anxious, depressed, suicidal and so much more. It is one of the reasons I will not be having children. I commend parents who do this work, it is evident in a classroom setting which children have parents who are helping them navigate all of this and those who are not.
Liz, I appreciate your insight and perspective, so much. Teaching is not for the faint of heart, and I can only imagine how much more challenging it's become over the last few years. You're a hero.
i read this last evening and then again today (apologies for never capitalizing anything here!) my heart just shattered at "i like the old you." that's a heavy sentence to say outloud.
Do not apologize! I think there's a vast difference between what I would consider a developing child's (who likely hasn't even cemented the use of) lack of punctuation and capitalization (as a social rule) and an adult's stylistic (or just personal!) choice to not capitalize. I think it's sad that it's "weird" and "lame" when a kid just uses, you know, real words and grammar.
Thanks for sharing these stories, your research, and perspective. Having been with 18, twelve year olds for a week at camp last week; I can tell you this is a big thing. It's hard to know where to start to help make a difference. I guess the best place is with your own three kiddos and then any other chances for influence with kids at church or in our community. I really do feel bad for what kids are facing these days.
I've wondering what life will be like with teenager(s) and generally look forward to every stage. Thank you for the glimpse. Also, I didn't have a cell phone until I was 17... and sometimes wish I still didn't 😅
This is such a great piece! Now that my young ones are all teenagers, my wife and I often wonder if we made the right decision in preventing our kids from connecting with their peers through the things they owned (clothing, technology) or the content they listened to/watched (movies, music). There have been many dinnertime conversations where I’m fielding pop culture questions, while explaining why we won’t let them watch/do/eat [insert whatever].
In the end, we love the almost-adult human beings our kids have grown into! I think a large part of that comes from the restraint we showed in allowing them to be exposed to the latest fad, or inappropriate something. You sound like you’re doing the hard work of parenting well. Stay the course!
It’s a challenging thing to navigate — making choices that go against the grain while also being able to communicate through it. We’ve never stopped at “because I said so,” because it does nothing to help them build their own filter. One day, they may choose differently, but our job right now is to choose, with every consideration of who they are, what their gifts and interests are, their best — as best we can.
There are many who’d likely bemoan us for letting in too much — and others, too little. But I really, really like who these kids are and are turning out to be and I hate the idea of an algorithmic, attention deficit culture dimming their light.
I love hearing from parents of older kids who’ve chosen to take the brave path!
Great piece.
I would like to know how much of this discussion in schools and families and bedrooms between teens when they speak, freely away from parents, involves much of what you've said here: the giant conformity engine driving society off a cliff. Kids love to be hip to the newest thing, right? We all do. It's those in-group/out-group dynamics that tap into our survival instincts. So what about hipping the kids to the fact that they're being manipulated by corporations for profit? Authenticity and individuality are the latest trends, right? Both of these concepts are antithetical to social media. And once kids and adults, too, see through the facade from a wider perspective, it's easy to not fall for the trappings.
Thoughts?
Again, great piece.
I know my daughter is trying to talk to her friends some about it, but they’re very much not interested. She’s an anomaly in most circles she finds herself in, though she tries not to plant herself fully in any single one,
We talk about it a lot in our home, though. Even yesterday, she and I spent a perfectly lovely morning while her brothers were at camp — getting pedicures and doing some browsing at the mall. Truly enjoying ourselves, remaining curious about the vast spectrum between need, want, and excess. I am just starting to dig into mimetic theory and find it all so fascinating (and at times frustrating and sad).
Also, what about having kids and parents read Haidt's books? I saw a post a few minutes ago about a mom who has a book club with her kids. Everyone agreed it was a wonderful idea. It used to be that families sat around the table and studied the Bible together. Why not add books like Haidt's to the reading list and then find Biblical parallels?
That’s a great idea!
Hang on in there, Kristine!
Thank you Fotini!
It all feels so overstimulating
I agree with everything you’ve shared, observed and hope to achieve (not that you need my approval). It is hard work and probably the most important work. I’m an elementary school teacher and I have seen and been incredibly saddened by how social media has impacted children. They are not the same as kids of the same age were 10 years ago - and mostly in overwhelmingly negative ways.
If I had children, I know that it would be an uphill battle against current social norms. The norms that have left most people anxious, depressed, suicidal and so much more. It is one of the reasons I will not be having children. I commend parents who do this work, it is evident in a classroom setting which children have parents who are helping them navigate all of this and those who are not.
Liz, I appreciate your insight and perspective, so much. Teaching is not for the faint of heart, and I can only imagine how much more challenging it's become over the last few years. You're a hero.
You're a hero! I love what you shared about the music in your car. It seems so special
i read this last evening and then again today (apologies for never capitalizing anything here!) my heart just shattered at "i like the old you." that's a heavy sentence to say outloud.
Do not apologize! I think there's a vast difference between what I would consider a developing child's (who likely hasn't even cemented the use of) lack of punctuation and capitalization (as a social rule) and an adult's stylistic (or just personal!) choice to not capitalize. I think it's sad that it's "weird" and "lame" when a kid just uses, you know, real words and grammar.
it's true! it's so hard for me to wrap my brain around what gets used as "bait on the playground."
Oh my word what parents these days have to do (and the kids!!) to keep up. It's not easy.
My son and his wife have five kids--12-21 and the vigilance and energy....without God's help and the Holy Spirit it would be un doable.
It sounds like you are one plugged in mom--keep up the good fight....
(and thanks for the Sara Bareilles).
Thank you, Jody! I loved the timing of that song coming on, and the video is so fun. Had to share it!
This was so amazing. I completely agree with what you said. Times surely have changed. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much, Amber! I appreciate you reading and your encouragement!
You're welcome!
Such a great piece! Thank you for writing and sharing it with me. 🧡
Thank you for reading!
Well said!
This is so important.
Thank you so much, Gloria!
Thanks for sharing these stories, your research, and perspective. Having been with 18, twelve year olds for a week at camp last week; I can tell you this is a big thing. It's hard to know where to start to help make a difference. I guess the best place is with your own three kiddos and then any other chances for influence with kids at church or in our community. I really do feel bad for what kids are facing these days.
I've wondering what life will be like with teenager(s) and generally look forward to every stage. Thank you for the glimpse. Also, I didn't have a cell phone until I was 17... and sometimes wish I still didn't 😅